Saturday, April 24, 2010
You walk into the room, 10 kilos lighter than the last time you had seen all these people. Your hair doesn't do that woo hoo thing at the front and you have finally grown into your body and passed that stage where your legs were too long for your torso. Your candy on your arm is looking particularly stunning tonight and your wallet is stocked with photos of your new baby and amazing holiday trips! Your fascinating life is awaiting a glorious show and tell extravaganza!
Hold your breath...step in and ....no one bats an eyelid! WHY?????
Because they already know all about your life, they have seen the photos, heard the news, seen the scandals and watched the weight etch itself off bit by bit...
Thanks to our little social media tool Facebook, we all know about each others lives instantaneously. We are no longer separated by the shields we used to put up because we are sharing so much of our lives on the Internet. The access to another persons life has never been so apparent.
High school reunions. We watched Romy and Michelle shock their whole graduating class in their hot new body's, fab new outfits and the attitude that finally saw them as real people and not boxed in D grade members of the school hierarchy. When you leave school, every person has this moment where they envision their life, their career and the trail of success that follows. The whole point of going back to school, to reunite with the people you haven't seen is to brag about your life. Now people will tell you- hey that shows a superficial attitude and twisted logic. I am here to tell you, if you were going back to see your 100 close friends, then you are mistaken. The people you really care about and that you want to see, are the people you are already seeing. You meet up with these people now and then, do the quick catch up and let them into your life, successes and failures. Which leaves the rest of the 100...as the people you do not really care about to be perfectly honest, just the people that you want to show yourself off too. Oh and lets not forget, to snoop on!
What has happened with the shift in social media, the tools such as flick'r, facebook, myspace, youtube, and the beloved RSVP...is that we are engaging our lives so deeply that hardly anything is left to surprise. We are not only connected with our best friends but also with our closest 600 friends if you get my drift. You can explore their holiday photos, see their children being born, see them graduate and hear about their scandalous nights all from your home. And now thanks to Foursquare, you not only know what they are doing but where they are doing it! So when it comes to that great reveal at the high school reunion...the sizzle is lost.
Social media on the one hand keeps us well connected, but is it keeping us too connected? Are we losing that aspect of privacy that keeps our lives interesting, our real life conversations intriguing and our successes celebrated?
I am glad to have these social media tools, because it among other things, fills in the time and keeps me connected. But i am slightly saddened at the fact i will lose out on a huge part of growing up to its fullest degree...The High School
Well, I'm off to invent post-it-notes!
PS. "I hope your babies look like monkeys"
Friday, April 23, 2010
Fendi purses, silver Lexus' and Dolce this Vuitton that! The life of the sparkling ones, that it appears the sun is always shining on, is a hard life. According to them when they have their breakdowns on national television (coincidentally at the trough of their career)
To be a socialite, one can only hope! Socialites- if you look the word up in the dictionary, (or at least the realistic dictionary) it would state: famous for doing nothing!...And that is pretty much it! They do nothing but advance their career by looking good and feeling great about themselves.
The aspiration by society to amount to something great (i.e. nothing) just like these people is phenomenal. We all want to be noticed, to have the life of luxury and a little car to take us from gig to gig. So why is it that we love these people so much? They, i believe embody everything that we are not. They seem to be physically perfect- skin, body, personality, parties galore and attitude to top the whole thing off that says- i just don't give a ---- four letter word!
They thrive off superficiality and walk the guided path to success, whereas we work hard and take the long and windy road. Do i believe that the world would be better without socialites? Of course not. The point is that they will do things and go places that we could never do and go! We live vicariously through them and let them live out our wildest dreams. The entertainment factor alone of reading about the scandals and never having the backlash personally is brilliant. Not to say that all socialites are the Kens and Barbie's of our world, some do use their unfounded super status to help the less fortunate, charities, raising money, healing the world etc. etc. etc...but at the end of their day- they clearly go back to a 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheet and lay their silky hair on the pillow dreaming about their next million. And that is what we love most!
I personally am going to make it my little mission to get some degree of socialite status before i die...NO WORK ALL PLAY MAKES ME go WOOO HOO!
Steps to success?...that is a tough one, really it is all a case by case basis...but there must be some link that binds these people together.
1) Have a signature something (looks, stride, personality, laugh, talent...whatever it is make it yours!)
2) Be confident
3) Be seen with the right people at the right time in the right place 4) PHOTO EVIDENCE! If you are cool, be willing to show it to the world. It's called paparazzi...Lady Gaga sang about it and you better get used to it!
5) Have an entourage...! Trailing behind or linked arms, whatever...you need a crew to emphasize you are worth following. And thats pretty much all.
The rest is up to you and the universe!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
It sounds worse than it is, and probably conjures up images of cults and ultimate fighting rings, but no- our circle is a silent killer and is much more pleasing to the palette.
The savoury sweet cycle!
Oh i might just nibble on some chips...mmm tasty and delicious...crunch crunch crunch.
Oh dear...there is this overwhelming salty taste in my mouth- how can i counteract this taste with something else delicious...
BAM! and that's where the sweet comes in. Hits you like a ton of bricks, once you get the niggle- you're gone!
So you go...OK- just one piece of chocolate to tide me over. Mmm creamy, creamy, sweet! Party in my mouth.
Now where are you left? In a pool of sugar and nowhere to go except hyperactive town or find something to calm those taste buds! Hello Mr. Taste bud, its me....savoury Steve again.
I think you all get the picture from my enthralling depiction of eating junk food, but the point i am trying to make is that the silent SS loop is the one that will have you sitting on the couch for hours at end and suddenly staring into an empty bag thinking- where did the time go and who stole my food.
NO ONE STOLE YOUR FOOD YOU FOOL!
IT WAS YOU! ( PS. i love caps)
How can we fix this epidemic...or should i say pandemic? Either way i like the dramatic emphasis....
solution 1) lock away your snacks with a key....then bury it in the garden 3 feet under and surround it by barbed wire (not ideal because you may die of starvation and need a lot of iodine to mend yourself after the attempts to retrieve it)
solution 2) Portion your food and make sure you drink plenty of water rather than sugary soft drinks
solution 3) STOP SNACKING!
solution 4) Show your body the extremes of what you are doing to it- before you start snacking...alternate eating a spoonful of sugar and a spoonful of salt (tablespoons please, none of this teaspoon business)
Personally one is my fave, but realistically- two is the way to go.
Enjoy you food and be happy and healthy everyone!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
And then something warm and comforting comes along and we just can't be arsed ('scuse my French) anymore and throw our entire vision of what we should be and look like out the kitchen window. What could possibly be so magical that it reverts us from pampered princesses and princes to the regular Joanne and Joe?
The Snuggie is pretty much a woolly poncho with pockets and sleeves. It covers you from the neck down in a bagginess that makes you look like your a couch potato even if you aren't sitting on a couch. You could be 10, you could be 20 your could be 30...but with one of these baby's on, you will still look like a 60 year old grandma! It is clearly the most unflattering and horrific outfit i have ever seen. Not to say that it doesn't have its benefits in the winter-y nights at home or at a picnic where a hoodie just won't do. But clearly the world has gone Snuggie mad! The only thing that is more popular is the Sham-Wow (warranted, that thing is amazing!...hmm i really have to get me one of those).
What i am questioning is...why is it OK to wear the snuggie, and not wear a big blanket wrapped around you and cut sleeves? Or why not a robe or a jumper and pants? Now i am not saying that we have to be vain about the whole situation and wear things that make us look good- but the Snuggie is really a way of saying, i have lost all faith in my appearance and i can't be bothered. Soon they will be making Snuggie's for two- so you and your partner can wrap yourself around each other and be warm, have the use of your arms, and lets not forget being able to read books with the handy free book light.
The madness is the popularity of it all! Because of clever branding and marketing, this household blanket has now grown sleeves and a career on television. It is in homes all across Australia. Have to admit, its pretty brilliant. Now if i could just do the same...probably would work with a garbage bag and two foot holes for rain pants!
Please watch the video...the laughter that awaits you...you can only imagine :)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
OMG! the burger of the century!
It takes its name for the fact that you probably will look at it, drop your jaw in a mixture of disgust and intense temptation and say Oh My God!
The burger contained a mammoth a "1.8kg beef patty, 12 slices of cheese and some mayo, all packed onto a 30cm brioche." (courtesy of Bigpond News...and yes it made the news)
What i like best about that sentence is that it features "some" mayo...like saying "lots" of mayo suddenly peaks on the disgusting scale.
If you like burgers then who wouldn't be tempted to try the "tasty" treat. The best part of it is the cost. At just over 30 American dollars, you are looking at feeding over 8 people....or 4 very fatty fatties. Oh and P.S. it comes with 2 kilograms of fries!! If you were not full enough.
This ginormous step towards a clear path to childhood obesity has sparked a quest by Hamish and Andy- not to fight for fruits and veggies in the diet...but to embark on a challenge, "slurping" challenge to be more accurate where they will take on the records and mammoth meals of restaurants in Australia.Giant burgers, schnitzels and steaks....dont forget the kilos of fries on the sides. The prize? The comfort in knowing they have made their stamp on society, on its rules and regulation of "safe amounts to eat" and also, a shiny plaque on the wall with their names on it! What more could a person want? Oh - i guess not to die from heart diesase?
I say good luck and go forth! Just make sure to have a good balanced diet before and after the massacre of meat!
I love the fact that Australia is so multicultural and advanced in the types/ range of food produced and consumed. We are moving more towards healthy eating, seeing the value in fresh, organics and monitoring our exercise so much that it is like fad to be healthy.
When you are young you learn about the food groups right? Fruit and veg/ cereals should be the majority of your daily intake, then meats, dairy and fats.
Fats are a food group! They are necessary in that slightly annoying term...moderation!
What bothers me is that being healthy is something that you have to do around your peers or is seen as acceptable to be done around your peers, but if you are constantly healthy and feel like indulging- it is generally socially frowned upon to do so in front of others- even though they haven't seen you being healthy all week- you still feel like you have to justify the fact you are eating something that is otherwise considered lard!
I definitely feel that it is an important part of being a healthy community and society to support your peers and encourage healthy eating, but the guilt that now tags along with your bag of McDonald's is just another reason to walk passed the store and fork out an extra three or four dollars for your otherwise so called socially acceptable healthy meal.
I live by these rules- 1) don't get obese! 2) Be happy and healthy 3) Enjoy your food in moderation!
Yes! that includes McDonald's, KFC and other fast foodies!
And don't be ashamed to bring your grease stained bags into the work place- if you know that you are supplementing your diet with a little fat from a lot of veges, cereals and proteins...then everything is A-OK
D for Disaster!
i-Snack 2.0? Sounds like a computer term, some sort of virus that goes in and eats all your software. Alas it is nothing so exciting, rather it is a fail in marketing strategy to promote the new cheese mixed with vegemite spread that jumped into the consumer arena with gusto and promise.
The clever campaign to let the audience decide the name of the new, creamier, smoother take on an old favourite was a good attempt to get the widespread outreach they so desired. Where the drama begins is the sad choice of winning entry. Instead of something actually related to the product, something that described the flavour, the look, the experience....they chose i-Snack 2.0.
I see where they were coming from..."ha ha let me be clever and make a nerdy reference to the internet"
Go ahead...but one of the key things in marketing coupling knowing your product, is knowing your audience. I went to uni and learned all about web 2.0...do you think the average Australian...let alone their key target audience (children, mums) would really know extensively about new/social media as to make the instant connection between the yeast based product and the new media trend? And why is that even appropriate to associate with eachother...how does it benefit their product?
Anyway- the little marketing disaster prompted the manufacturers to instantly change their product name to Cheesybite. Much more consumer friendly and marketable.
It also prompted me to snap up one bottle of i-Snack to keep as a souvenir...in hopes that one day it will be worth squillions.
Cheers big ears!
Next post: Why are we ashamed of eating McDonald's in front of our peers!
Lets start this back at the beginning- "a very good place to start" as the Sound of Music line goes.
Basically, don't we all have to do that at some point. Whether it be recollect our thoughts, revisit our decisions or just plain old start your blog up again with a new found determination like that diet you promised yourself you would start up again every Sunday night for the fresh week.
It has come to my attention over the past year that blogs are more than just a way to express your innermost uninteresting yet interesting desires to a webberverse of listeners and other amateur writers. It is also a way to analyse social media through the eyes of the user.
The user plays a key role in the transition from broadcast media to interactive media. What is interactive media? It is all that jazz that your specialist friends have been harping on about when they use such jargon as Web 2.0 (or for those of you who are more attuned to the food world...isnack 2.0). This interactive field allows an otherwise untrained audience to become masters of their landscapes- writing, teaching and conveying their own knowledge and experiences to others who are looking for otherwise generic answers. The user is involved and engaged rather than just an audience to what is dribbled out at them by governing forces. By using cleverly designed social media reading tools such as the amazing Radian 6, alexa, compete, and hundreds of others- you gain the key to a world of knowledge, analysis and basically understanding how to tap into an audience so that you can adopt an element of social media to your pursuit...PR, Advertising, Marketing or otherwise.
So all in all, after learning about the beauty and importance of these tools which rely on constantly updated and up-kept blogs, twitter accounts, facebook groups and so forth....i felt the need to get back on the blogging scene.
I cant promise that all my blogs will be so socially engaged or even knowledgeable as my best work is usually describing the random events of my day or a whimsical thought that starts me on a tangent...
next post...Why I-snack failed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This one has been bugging me!
Cheers Big Ears!
Who agrees...if Pink has become the new Black, i feel Funny has become the new hot!
I find certain attributes about a person can make them 10 times hotter than first perceived. I can give you some really persuasive arguments here, some from personal experience.
Firstly i work in a place where there are quite a few tourists who come in. Now when you are serving a customer you tend to check them out...it's a habit...who doesn't. There are so many Irish and Scottish fellows who come in buying all sorts of random things. As soon as they utter something to me about wanting a plastic bag, my heart skips a beat. The accent, the accent, the accent. Now they look so much better than they did before. They have transformed from a scruffy, stubbled thinning haired man to a rough and chiseled God.
HAMISH BLAKE....Yes the funniest man alive. Yet it must be agreed, i doubt he would win Cleo Bachelor of the year any time soon like his counterpart Andy Lee. But it is the drop you to the floor holding your stomach sense of humour that creates a pair of love goggles for his listeners. 9/10 girls i have spoken to agree, Hamish is the one to root for.
I put this to you now, for all those out there who do not think they can compete with the Andy Lee's out there. All you have to do is make something interesting about you. Get an accent, a sense of humour, become famous, learn guitar...i don't care what a girl says, muso's are hot.
Thanks for listening to my thought of day, however shallow it may seem!
Anyone got Hamish's Number?
Ahh. Welcome back bloggeroonies. Im trying that new phrase, let it sink in and usurp your better judgment.
Recently i went to India for a family holiday. First of all, i can not believe how many foreigners (excuse the shock) there are there now. Okay so India is a popular country, i get that. But in the little country town of Mangalore i was surprised every time i saw anyone who looked foreign It has been seven years since i went last so i think you will have to excuse me for the idea that the place would never change.
Honestly, what a beautiful place, once you get over the two-week-long stomach upset. The food is fresh and heart warmingly made, just make sure you don't actually eat a heart. I must have eaten over a dozen byriani's. I don't actually know if it is their national dish but they make it so well it should be.
What can i say, in relation to western society. I find the culture just more friendly. You have your odd stickler here and there and there and there. Only Kidding. I think the main point i am trying to make, is that growing up in a culture where people are not so obsessed with what they wear and how they act creates such a friendly and enthusiastic atmosphere. If you are 2 or if you are 200 you are appreciated for the person you are.
Top 5 things to do in Mangalore...
1. Go to Pabbas Ice cream in Lalbagh ( the most delectable menu, and friendly service)
2. Visit Panamboor beach, watch the locals swim and definitely watch the sunset!
3. Visit the beautiful churches, Milagres Church. (Lady of Miracles) The sistene chappel i tell you.
4. Get Churmuri, sorry spelling here has escaped me. Usually can be found at Panamboor beach ( it is a mixture of rice bubbles, grated lime, mango, spices and vegetable. So yummy and delicious I'm craving it now)
5. Go to Woodlands and have Gollybuges, sorry spelling totally escapes me here, but if you utter this word under your breath to the waiter they will be back withing five minutes with a steaming plate of fried round doughy balls, eaten with coconut chutney and washed down with nimbupani (lime soda- ask for sweet not salty)
Enjoy bloggeroonies...okay ill stop that now...
Why has it taken me so long to write again...i mean it has only been 14 hours. But you see, in those twelve odd hours i slept for 6 and spent the other six watching TV.
Alright so i might be exaggerating here but lately i think i have become glued to the black box in my living room, and i find myself edging closer and closer until my nose becomes cold from touching the glass screen.
I am not particularly sure if it is that television has gotten any better. I still see the same old dribble that i always saw when i was a child. Boy meets girl, boy cheats on girl. Girl finds new lover and they get married have children and their children marry their second cousin. Bold and the Beautiful aside, i do love TV.
Instead of breakfast, i eat the morning cooking shows and day TV. It wakes me up and encourages me to become active in the day, telling me to cook healthy food, do some crafty number on my old drapes and cherish my life because tomorrow i could be 700 pounds. Yet in watching these shows, i still sit on the couch! Its a vicious little cycle aye!
I let myself get addicted to shows that have no relevance in my life...shows like desperate housewives. Am i 50? no ( I'm sure Terri Hatcher is something around that age, i used to watch her when i was like 8), Do i own a fancy shmancy house in Wisteria Lane that smells like lily of the valley?...Uh not if you count that swampy sewage smell down the road.
I think its just a way of escaping from our little reality, and indulging in something that makes us feel important. Like a part of a family that doesn't have a stinky brother, overbearing sister and intrusive parents...or at least ones we have to deal with on a daily basis.
If i could watch tv all day i think i would...but then i would not be writing this blog right now..